Humorous Dining Companions Pillows

'If she says I could have cooked this for half the price - the pasta goes over her head.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'What's the special?'

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'