Humorous Dining Companions Pillows

'If she says I could have cooked this for half the price - the pasta goes over her head.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

'What's the special?'

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"