Funny Dining Partner Pillows

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"You folks like a little something?"

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'What's the special?'

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

'The house wine sir.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Sorry, smile's off...'

Relate - man acts the clown to show fun still in marriage

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'