Funny Dining Partner Gifts

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"You folks like a little something?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'What's the special?'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'The house wine sir.'

'Sorry, smile's off...'

Relate - man acts the clown to show fun still in marriage

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"