Humorous Partner Gifts

"Darling, when I booked a date night I didn't say it would be with you."

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

"Being an estate agent, I should have know you'd exaggerate everthing!"

'I'm sorry, he can't come down the pub right now...he's under house arrest'

"If it's fresh air you want, my flat's air-conditioned..."

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

Skeleton playing fetch.

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Mixed Doubles.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

Holding hands

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

Advanced footsie

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

"I'm so glad we enjoy the same style foreplay."

Your spirit animal is a balloon poodle? My spirit animal is a balloon poodle!

Love.

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Puppy Love

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

"I love the way these safari trips bring out the animal in you, darling."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

"What is it about a tee shirt cannon that says 'foreplay' to you?"

You are simply the Greatest

"They were all out of rings, so I got you a watch."