Partner Who Enjoys Humor Gifts

Skeleton playing fetch.

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

Cat using mousetraps

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

'What really stung is when they wanted the Magna Carta notarized!'

Google Translate for Marriagese