Dining Humor Lover Gifts

'The dish of the day madam? He's sitting by the window. He's 32, single, and runs a very successful art gallery.'

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Better Not Squash.

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Lunch Broker

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

The Second-to-last Supper.

'The hair in the soup provides fiber.'

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."

"The Normans are coming and I can't decide on whether to pour a simple consomme on them, or a more complex bisque."