Dining Humor Aficionado Gifts

'What's the soup of the day?' 'Heinz.'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Lunch Broker

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

The Second-to-last Supper.

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'What's the special?'

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"