Dining Humor Aficionado Prints

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Lunch Broker

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

The Second-to-last Supper.

'What's the special?'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

"My scientific opinion? That is one big ass bacon."

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'