Humor Enthusiast Who Loves Dining Out Prints

Lunch Broker

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

'It says I forgot my wallet.'

'I understand that some patrons are getting flies in their soup.'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'Who ordered the chef's head?'

"Can I start you off with my disappearance?"

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."

"A touch more obsequious and you'll reach the tipping point."

"I hope they offer same day service."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

This fly's backstroke is atrocious. It will be reflected in his tip.

'The house wine sir.'

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'Great! you ate the waiter, now how am I going to order!?'

The soup was quite filling

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

'I hate it when they bring their own sommelier.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

'What's the soup of the day?' 'Heinz.'