Humor Enthusiast Who Loves Dining Out Gifts

Lunch Broker

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

'I understand that some patrons are getting flies in their soup.'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'It says I forgot my wallet.'

"Can I start you off with my disappearance?"

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

'Who ordered the chef's head?'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"I hope they offer same day service."

"A touch more obsequious and you'll reach the tipping point."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'The house wine sir.'

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'Great! you ate the waiter, now how am I going to order!?'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'I hate it when they bring their own sommelier.'

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'