Restaurant Humor Aficionado Gifts

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Waiter, there's a potato bug in my New England clam chowder. You should have ordered the Manhattan clam chowder

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

Lunch Broker

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'