Restaurant Humor Fan Gifts

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

'Can't you read?'

'Oh no!Too many broths spoil the cook!'

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"You're losing your everything."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'