Fans Of Restaurant Humor Gifts

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'