Fans Of Restaurant Humor Gifts

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'This week, the secret ingredient on Iron chef is . . . Iron. Good luck, suckas.'

Waiter, there's a potato bug in my New England clam chowder. You should have ordered the Manhattan clam chowder

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."

"Sorry, it’s my first day."