Restaurant Humor Lover Gifts

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Well, do you have anything with 'fly' in it?

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

"Aren't you going to write that down?"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Better Not Squash.

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

Lunch Broker

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."