Restaurant Joke Fan Gifts

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

'So this is a kitchen!'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

'Spaghetti dinner. Hold the garlic bread.'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

"Are you gonna eat that garlic bread?"

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'Waiter, there's a rabbit in my salad!'

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

Spring a Leek

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

'Mum, that man smells like trifle.'