Restaurant Joke Fan Pillows

Two ducks in restaurant, one without a beak, "Can I get my bill, please?"

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

'He's cured.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

'So this is a kitchen!'

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

This fly's backstroke is atrocious. It will be reflected in his tip.

'Spaghetti dinner. Hold the garlic bread.'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

"Are you gonna eat that garlic bread?"

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"Miss! There's a fly in my soup."

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

'Waiter, there's a rabbit in my salad!'

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

Spring a Leek

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."