Restaurant Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'Oxtail soup.' 'Tail sticking out of bowl.'

'If you'd care to wait a few moments sir, all our toothpicks are currently in use.'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Lockdown casserole

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

Murderous Chef

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

Lunch Broker

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."