Restaurant Humor Enthusiast Pillows

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'Oxtail soup.' 'Tail sticking out of bowl.'

'If you'd care to wait a few moments sir, all our toothpicks are currently in use.'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Lockdown casserole

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

Murderous Chef

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

Lunch Broker

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

Waiter, there's a potato bug in my New England clam chowder. You should have ordered the Manhattan clam chowder