Restaurant Humor Buff Pillows

I don't mind a fly's backstroke. I do mind a fly's back talk.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

Waiter, there's a potato bug in my New England clam chowder. You should have ordered the Manhattan clam chowder

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'