Restaurant Humor Aficionado Pillows

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

Lunch Broker

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

'I didn't feel like cooking today.'

"Sorry, it’s my first day."

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."