Restaurant Humorists Pillows

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"Hello, my name is Tony. I'm your waiter, and I'll be dining with you tonight."

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you