Restaurant Comedian Pillows

"Good evening, folks. My name is Leonard, and I hold all the cards."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Like death by salad.'

Night of the Latkes

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'It's all homemade.'

Chef copy robot

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Culinary surgery.