Restaurant Comedian Pillows

"Good evening, folks. My name is Leonard, and I hold all the cards."

No, waiter, everything is not all right. There's a fly in my soup. Actually, I was asking the fly.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Night of the Latkes

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

'Does this thing get channel four.'

The Complete Spaghetti Dinner.

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Looks like it's time to make the banana bread."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Chef copy robot

"So why do you need a ladder to make pancakes?"

'It's all homemade.'

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'