Dining Comedy Lover Gifts

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"It'll never be ready in time."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'We need more cake shows!'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"