Dining Comedy Lover Gifts

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"It'll never be ready in time."

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

'No more beans this week, I think, Matilda.'

'We need more cake shows!'

'It was embarrassing. I always swore I'd die of her cooking.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'