Culinary Comedy Lover Gifts

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'There is a good reason why there's not much on the menu - Our chef is out sick with food poisoning!'

'Table cloth is filthy.' 'We've been open since 1976.'

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

'Beans,beans,the musical fruit...the more you eat, the more you toot!'

'Whose idea was it to add the brimstone?'

'A small amount of milk can turn into so much.'

'Excuse me sir, have you found and contact lenses in your soup?'

'Oh no!Too many broths spoil the cook!'

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'From what I've heard, they taste just like chicken!'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"I ordered ham, but I think the cook spammed me."

"The chef apologizes. Your breakfast has devolved from a crepe to an omelet to a breakfast burrito.

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

"Gravy turned out a little thick."

Old Gizzards and Giblets

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

"Mom, call the appliance store. The self-cleaning stove isn't cleaning itself!"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'3 hamburgers, 2 servings of fries, 1 vanilla shake...'

'Follow that crab!'

'Strange… I've suddenly got this taste of red cabbage - with cinnamon and apples - in my mouth.'

'Careful, this plate may be a little hot.'

Deadpan Delivery.

'Sorry, lost a contact lens in the kitchen.'

'Please help - Your gravy has stuck my teeth together!'

'We need more cake shows!'

'Do currants have wings?' - 'You've just swallowed a fly.'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

A "balanced diet" means balancing what's left to cook with what's clean enough to cook it in.

Two weeks ago