Culinary Comedy Lovers Gifts

Judging Waiters

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Excuse me, mine's too spicy."

"Personally I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole but then what would I know, I'm only a waiter?"

"You will have to text your order directly to chef. We're not speaking."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

"I might just get a pie."

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'No creamed peas for me today!'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Ok. I'm cooking dinner. What sounds good?'

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

'Not now, you'll spoil your dinner.'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)