Lover Of Culinary Comedy Gifts

'How about a drink?' - 'You've got gravy.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"I might just get a pie."

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'No creamed peas for me today!'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

'Usually when a man promises me a fish dinner, I naturally assume it will be at a nice restaurant.'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

They discover fire and we spend all day cooking!

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Pizza with 'Made in China' imprinted on it.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

'Todays special - egg on Ronay'

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

The Fault of the Fowl