Lover Of Culinary Humor Gifts

Operating table.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The Burrito King.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Lockdown casserole

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Better Not Squash.

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'No, we don't have any tuna FISH, but we do have salmon FISH, trout FISH, and catfish FISH.'

'Do you want toast with that?'