Laughing At Dining Gifts

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"What fly?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

'What's the special?'

'The house wine sir.'

'Sorry, smile's off...'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"Hunger is an illusion. I'll have a zenwich."

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

'If she says I could have cooked this for half the price - the pasta goes over her head.'

'No termites, no grubs, no leaves... What kind of crazy restaurant is this?'

'This place is a tip.'

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

"Is the rabbit cute?"

'You call this slop'

A man ordering Haricot Mutton in a restaurant

Women's Synchronized Peeing

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'

'The dish of the day madam? He's sitting by the window. He's 32, single, and runs a very successful art gallery.'