Dining Chuckles Gifts

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'What's the special?'

'The house wine sir.'

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'Sorry, smile's off...'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

'Is everything O.K.?'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."