Quirky Dining Humor Gifts

"How about taking that ugly sitter back a doggie bag!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"States of tofu"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

"My guess it's guacamole."

Deliboys

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."

Preserved

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'I made your favorite -- dinosaurkraut!'

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

"Hallelujah!"

Stay at home food pyramid

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'