Quirky Culinary Humor Gifts

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The Burrito King.'

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Lockdown casserole

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"