Culinary Humor Gifts

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'You know, hors d'oeuvres are completely lost on your side of the family.'

'The food's pretty bad here, but we make up for it with especially large portions.'

'That'll be 10 bucks please.'

Hot, Medium, Mild, Con Queso

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'I don't suppose you have any grey poupon?'

Shepherd buying a shepherd's pie.

"This is a real good deal. If you take the Gigaburger Family Four, you get free liposuction vouchers."

Microwave Fish

Conquering Baked Alaska

'Let me refresh your memory. I ordered a crumpet! C-R-U-M-P-E-T.'

Eggskimos: Eskimos in the form of Eggs.

'It's the same as our regular Angels hair pasta, but with extra grease.'

When Chooks Fall on Hard Times

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

"Why are you giving them whiskey?"

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."

"Gravy turned out a little thick."

"Who ordered the reindeer steak?!"

"Sometimes I just want a nice salad."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"This is the place to eat if you like your curries hot."

"Okay, so what do we add?"

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"I've heard of instant Karma, but I didn't know there was a microwavable version."

How was the cottage pie? Very nice, but it needs an extension!

"No, we don’t serve ‘organic, local, free-range Spam.’"

"Hi Tom, it's Earl at the garage. It looks like you've got salsa in your crankcase."

"Carpe pizza"

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

'Stop! How about a burger, fries and a coke for a change!'

'YAY! PATE!'

"Can I get you some salt for that?"