Culinary Humorist Gifts

Chez Pretentious Restaurant - All you can pronounce ?25.

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'Are you sure this fish is fresh?'

All natural, no fat, cholesterol, carb, sodium, fiber, chemical additives, and we spiced it up so you'd never know it was sawdust.

"Happy Mother's Day! I spelled out your name in toast!"

'Peas be with you...Next!'

'I'm sorry you're disappointed. What did you think we meant by 'our plaice in the country'?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'The lower-priced items contain genetically-modified foods not yet approved for human use.'

"Man, this is just the perfect temperature!"

'Let's be on the safe side and hang another liter of chicken soup...'

'I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth-to-mouth.'

"I'd like my steak well done, lightly peppered and then kicked around the floor for about 15 minutes."

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

Chicken Soup for the Soul.

"I don't really hate vegetables...but they're my last line of defense before liver and onions."

'Like A Virgin Olive Oil'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Welcome to Parmesan Acres: A Grated Community.

'With our low prices we can't afford a chef.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

Alphabet soup - Large print edition.

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'You'd probably enjoy the chocolate cake, Sir. It's sinfully rich.'

'Wolfies diner'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

Posh Deli - Fois gras, caviar, animal feed.

"Customers who bought this item also bought this item."

Garlic Free Section.

'I've made spaghetti Johann - very good for contrapuntal work!'

Methods of smoking salmon not approved of by the FDA.

Cheeses of Nazareth.

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.