Culinary Humorist Pillows

Chez Pretentious Restaurant - All you can pronounce ?25.

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

All natural, no fat, cholesterol, carb, sodium, fiber, chemical additives, and we spiced it up so you'd never know it was sawdust.

'Are you sure this fish is fresh?'

"Happy Mother's Day! I spelled out your name in toast!"

'Peas be with you...Next!'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'I'm sorry you're disappointed. What did you think we meant by 'our plaice in the country'?'

'The lower-priced items contain genetically-modified foods not yet approved for human use.'

"Man, this is just the perfect temperature!"

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I don't really hate vegetables...but they're my last line of defense before liver and onions."

'With our low prices we can't afford a chef.'

'Let's be on the safe side and hang another liter of chicken soup...'

"I'd like my steak well done, lightly peppered and then kicked around the floor for about 15 minutes."

Welcome to Parmesan Acres: A Grated Community.

'Hey look, I'm a bucket of chicken.'

Chef looking up confused, Waiter behind him with pancake on his head.

"Customers who bought this item also bought this item."

'It was an excellent year for corks.'

person wearing heatproof suit for cooking

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Shrimp cook

'Wolfies diner'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

Snail ordering 'Hommes.'

"Sure I can cure you, but a word of warning, that will only make you twice as tasty."

"If smoking is so bad for you, how come it cures salmon?"

Mrs Jones's fish pie could be smelt for miles around!

Methods of smoking salmon not approved of by the FDA.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

'You'd probably enjoy the chocolate cake, Sir. It's sinfully rich.'