Food Humorist Gifts

Banoonoos: 'They've been phonetically modified.'

"Don't look now, but those onion bagels are following us again."

Good egg, bad egg.

'Yes, I'm ready for Pesach, but you know, matzah just doesn't attract the children like gingerbread.'

Thanksgiving Turkey Weight and Fortune

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Granted, we don't have quality, but we do have quantity!'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Meat Department

"Our menu is divided into three sections... low carb, low sodium and WTF!"

Immature cheese pulling a face

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Did anyone order a pizza?'

Live yogurt.

'Mom can't talk now - she's hitting the bottle.'

'It won't be long now, sir. The chef has already sent the chicken a death threat.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

'85% fat free, 100% taste free'

". . . and then, Iceberg goes, 'you know a LOT of people really like just a lettuce and tomato sandwich!', I literally spit out my drink!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Consumer alert! Consumer alert! - If it tastes good, spit it out!'

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

Not eating natural foods because most people die of natural causes.

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

Where Whipped Potatoes Come From.

"Quick! Toss me the stalest one you've got!"

Fruit store

Mice spice

"And as the hand reached in the coop a voice whispered; 'you've got to break a few eggs to make an omelette'!"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

A snowman is about to eat his nose.

"Special tonight, sir, leg of laggard."

'Deviled ham. Deviled egg. Oh thank goodness! Devil's food cake.'

"Looks like sone's got a stick up their bun!"