Foodie Humorist Gifts

The Holy Trinity: Salt, Butter and Sugar.

"I didn't know you liked ranch so much."

'Great to see you are a fully integrated immigrant to our culture.'

"I want a bagel!"

"Waiter, I'd like to order, unless I've eaten, in which case bring me the check."

"I'm getting woolly-mammoth notes."

If it had been today...

"Your meal will be out shortly. The salmon was a little wilder than we anticipated."

"When did constantly making pictures of food become a thing."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"O.K., her mouth is full—run over and ask her if everything is O.K.!"

'Oh no, it's a text from my doctor advising me against eating the steak I just posted on Twitpic.

'Are we tired of being salad? Are we tired of being cocktails? Are we tired of being bait?'

'Which came first, the 'Chicken-chow-mein' or the 'egg foo yung'?'

'I'll have a BLT.' 'ASAP or PDQ?'

Prince of Wales' Indulgence at Carlton House

"Gimme a large cone with a sample of everything."

'Honey, the 'best before' date on this zebra was over two weeks ago.'

'A dozen bagels, please. For here.'

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

"He's very intelligent, good with children, hypo allergenic and gluten free."

"Sunday dinner just isn't the same without growth promoters"

"In my defense it's hard to tell when the Limburger goes bad."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"So you only do dog or partridge."

A Fistful of Doners "Okay Hombre...I'm gonna eat this kebab...reeeal slow...

'Try the fish. It's brain food.'

'In commodities trading, the U.S. navy bean rose today against the German sausage, the French baguette, the Japanese rice cake...'

'That's not yesterday's soup, it's vintage soup.'

Wine list

"Dave, remember when you said you were hungry enough to eat a horse?"

12 Hangry Men

"The sign said 'Home-Style Cooking.'"

Aphid Indigestion.

"Some fresh-ground soot for your salad, sir?"