Comedian Foodie Gifts

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"States of tofu"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

6 Brothers Falafel

Chez Nous Menu

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Night of the Latkes

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Cookbooks

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"Would you like some wings?"

Lesser known greek gods,

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Ninja bread men"

Wok. Don't Wok.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."