Cooking Humor Gifts

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'

"So the microwave's got a popcorn button, but the popcorn bag says don't use the popcorn button, and I'm like, Microwave people! Popcorn people! Get your act together!!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Deliboys

"Carpe pizza"

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'Needs more kale.'

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'YAY! PATE!'

Luigi's Career Change From Pizza Shop Owner to Masseuse Goes Smoothly...

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."