Cooking Humorists Gifts

'Check out what I invented! Looks like we're even now!'

"My husband said I should try a cookbook when I'm cooking! But I don't think it will taste any better!"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

Wok. Don't Wok.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Paris' magnificent Trifle tower.

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The Burrito King.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'I was in the catering corps.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."