Dine And Laugh Gifts

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"What fly?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

'The house wine sir.'

'What's the special?'

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

'Ryan, the idea is to eat food of each other's body, not our own.'

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

'You call this slop'

Women's Synchronized Peeing

"Is the rabbit cute?"

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'