Fine Dining Humorous Pillows

'You call this slop'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'The house wine sir.'

'What's the special?'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Sorry, smile's off...'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'