Comical Dining Experiences Pillows

'Sorry, smile's off...'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

"Waiter! Waiter! There's no flies in my soup!"

'What's the special?'

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

'The house wine sir.'

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

'Is everything O.K.?'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."