Satirical Dining Fans Gifts

Extreme health food restaurants: "Just check off what you want and we'll bring your tray around."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

'What's the special?'

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

'Sunnyside down.'

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

"Hello, my name is Roberto, and I will be your enabler this evening."