Dining Satire Lover Gifts

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

Scientific research (whaling).

"And what are the two wonderful gourmet delights you're serving up today...my good man?"

'What's the soup of the day?' 'Heinz.'

"Miss! There's a fly in my soup."

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

The soup was quite filling

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

'May I caution that the term 'Happy meal' refers to the meal itself rather than to any effect it may have.'

Mousetrap: 'How was your dining experience?'

'No, the fish isn't battered - the cook just roughs it up a bit!'

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

"What wine would you recommend to go with male chauvinist pork?"

Waiter, who are those protesters outside? They're from "PETFS": People for the Ethical Treatment of Flies in Soup.

Extreme health food restaurants: "Just check off what you want and we'll bring your tray around."

"Hello, my name is Roberto, and I will be your enabler this evening."

"Sorry, sir, but none of our food is very good. It's the chef's way of punishing the rich."

'I never eat anything I can't spell.'