Restaurant Satire Enthusiast Gifts

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

This fly's backstroke is atrocious. It will be reflected in his tip.

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

"Miss! There's a fly in my soup."

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

... Harold at the stomach pump.

'Can't you read?'

Waiter, who are those protesters outside? They're from "PETFS": People for the Ethical Treatment of Flies in Soup.