Restaurant Satire Enthusiast Pillows

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"

"A Mister 'Ty Gurr' wants to reserve a table next to our fattest customer."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

"Soup of the day? Mumbo Jumbo Gumbo."

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

"I don't think the new guy is working out."

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

... Harold at the stomach pump.

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

'Can't you read?'