Culinary Irony Fan Gifts

"Fascinating. And I picked up four Pokemon in there."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Free Range Chickens

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Shrimp cook

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'People soup again?'

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

The Cheese God

A Cold Snap

"Fancy a take-a-way tonight ?"

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."