Ironic Diner Gifts

'I'll have the glutton platter and a diet coke please.'

"Freshly ground Ozempic?"

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

'Boil in the bag or microwaved?'

The Curried Prune Fast Food Restaurant.

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"We've got some tasty specials today! Our cooks' brother is a veterinarian..."

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

The food was nice...but something was missing.

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"We've got 749 cookbooks...why are we eating cheese on toast?"

Bad for you but to die for

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"For drinks or dinner?"

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

"Fresh pepper?"

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'It probably wasn't a good idea to ask for seperate cheques.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"I'm supposed to sing you the specials. Do you want me to do that?"

" 'Tonight's Specials,' a poem."

'Decisions, decisions!'

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."