Snarky Diner Gifts

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"What fly?"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"Dinner looks delicious."

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

Road Kill Cafe.