Snarky Diner Gifts

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"What fly?"

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Road Kill Cafe.

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

"Dinner looks delicious."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'