Comedy Diner Gifts

'The sign means; 'all you can eat' from your plate.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"What fly?"

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"You folks like a little something?"

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'Careful, this plate may be a little hot.'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

"Would you like finicky or non-finicky?"