Comedy Diner Pillows

'The sign means; 'all you can eat' from your plate.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"What fly?"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"It's the Chef Surprise."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"What kind of mod are you in? Sit Down or All You Can Eat From The Trough?"

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"I hear the sparrow-goldfish chowder is to die for...at least once."

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

When Barry decided to start a campaign for gum control.

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

"Hurry up! I'm gasping for a cheese sandwhich."

'Careful, this plate may be a little hot.'

'Yes Sir that is the lowest calorie dish on the menu, the chef has even eaten the fish for you. He says it was wonderful.'

"Would you like finicky or non-finicky?"